Defending Marriage

One of my earliest memories of the gay marriage debate came from the 2008 elections. I was a high school senior in California and our school was having a mock election. A friend of mine was giving a speech in the mock election from the support of Proposition 8 side and asked if I, along with one other person of his choosing, would hold a Prop 8 banner during his speech.

I was not one of the popular kids in school. I tended to hang out with some of the more outcast groups. Many of my friends were not straight, be it gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I honestly had no opinion on gay marriage. These people were my friends and I loved them but being the short-sided teenager that I was, I had not given too much thought to their future. (To be fair, I hadn’t given to much thought to my future either.)

I decided to help my friend out and hold this sign for him even though I did not feel strongly either way about the cause. He was my friend and had asked for my help. I was met, after that assembly, with much hate and disgust from those that, prior to that assembly, had counted me among some of their closest friends. They never asked why I stood with that sign. They assumed the worst of me, imagining my hatred of them and the things that they believed. I won’t ever forget that reaction.

Since then, I have come to find my stand on this debate and given the chance to stand with that banner again, I would. This time however, I would do it with the same love that I had for my friends that day but also with an understanding of why that proposition is important.

I have come to learn that marriage is the foundation of our society. It has been for as long as we have existed. The purpose of marriage has always been to better individuals and society and to produce children in an environment that best meets their developmental needs. It has not, and should not, be merely a contract between two individuals but should be a contract between a couple and society. It has not, and should not be a selfish contract but should be focused on fulfilling the purpose for which it has always existed.  That is what those that support homosexual marriage are really supporting, the marriage contract between two people with a sole focus on pleasure. This is not to say that marriage should not be fulfilling. This is not to say that marriage should not be pleasurable. These are however a means to an end as opposed to an end in and of itself.

Marriage has existed for as long as it has because it has benefited society. It could not have lasted as long if it did not. As such a beneficial aspect of our society, it should be supported. Redefining marriage to include non-heterosexual marriages will undermine this support, not increase it. World-wide, countries that have granted marriage to homosexual relationships have shown a low level of support for marriage. It is the countries that oppose the push to redefine marriage or include marriage-like unions for homosexual relationships that have the greatest support for marriage (Wardel, 2007). We need marriage and cannot let it go without the support it needs to remain strong.

This particular subject is always hard for me to talk about. It seems impossible to convey my love for those, who like my friends in high school, choose to live a different lifestyle than I do and a lifestyle that I do not agree with while discussing my reasons for my stand on marriage that is in direct conflict with theirs. I do not wish you to be unhappy. I do not wish for you to suffer. Yet, I do not believe that what you ask for, the redefinition of marriage, is an appropriate course of action. I do not believe that its effects will benefit society as a whole.

Wardel, L.D. (2007). The attack on marriage and the union of a man and a woman. North Dakota Law Review. 83, 1365-1392.